With Gratitude and Joy: The Beginning

Well. This post has been a long time coming.

I’ve put off writing this for a while, mostly because it’s one of those things you can’t really put into words. I don’t even really know where to start, but here we go. Get cozy, this is a long one.

I’ve struggled with mental illness since I was young. I can’t put an exact date or memory to it, but it’s been there for almost as long as I can remember.

The thing is, mental illness is such a taboo subject. The word “mental illness” itself has such a negative stigma that we never really talk about it, when often that’s exactly what we need.

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Late last year, I had a mental breakdown. It wasn’t my first, and won’t be my last, but it was one that changed my life. A mild mental breakdown, I guess you could say (is that even possible?), but enough to make me question everything. What I was doing with my life, what my purpose was, would I ever find my person, would I ever achieve any of my dreams, all of it.

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The thing was, I’d spent my entire teens and early 20’s waiting for the future. When I’m in high school, then I’ll be happy. When I’m in college, then I’ll be happy. When I graduate college, then I’ll be happy. When I move to a warmer place, then I’ll be happy. When I get my dream job, then I’ll be happy. When I get married, then I’ll be happy. I was completely stuck in this “When-Then” mindset.

You see, the thing is, when you’re constantly focusing on the future, you get disappointed in the now. You forget that where you are now, was once where you dreamt of being, a place you never thought you’d reach. So you have to enjoy it. You have to find the joy in the now.

So, I made a promise to myself. A promise to myself to find the joy in the now.

And that’s exactly where this new story begins. Focusing on being grateful for what we have, and finding joy in the now. Doing everything with gratitude and joy. Thank you for being here, this is only the beginning.

Love, Anne